Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dr. Sears Is Not My God




In light of the recent TIME magazine article on the AP lifestyle, I feel like this post is warranted.  If I were to label my "parenting style" I would call it attachment parenting.  (Hence the title of this blog.)  But I'm here to say something that needs to be said:

Dr. Sears is not my god.

It's true.  I actually have a mind of my own and don't necessarily agree with all of the Sears parenting advice.  Shocking, I know.  When there is a public "figurehead" of a movement I think it's very easy for society to assume that everyone who follows similar methods is his acolyte. Certainly, he has many fans... and yet I haven't run across many APers who begin their sentences with "Dr. Sears says..."

In fact, when he said the birthing experience should be described as "sensation" not "pain" I wanted to punch him in the face. That's holy-mother-of-god fucking pain, buddy.

If anything, I would say the spirit of modern AP is to keep pace with the beat of your own drum and not follow any specific dogma. Something I often hear repeated in AP circles is "this is what works for OUR family" with no assumptions that it is what you should do with yours.

In my mind, APing means parenting with heart. It means ignoring all the methods and parenting plans out there that tout their way is the only way for all babies and instead parenting with instinct. It means keeping in mind what the world looks like through a child's eyes: so enormous and new and overwhelming that they need you, their parent, to be their constant grounding rod, their port in the storm.

In NO WAY does it mean raising dependent children.

Sure, Dr. Sears has some ideas that many APers (and non-APers) think sound good: things like babywearing or not crying it out. There are definitely similarities or common practices among APers. But in the end we are all different. In fact, most of us are quite open minded.

Just something to keep in mind the next time you hear about AP.

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