Letter to Deacon, 16 Months

My dearest Deacon, I've been meaning to write this for some time now (six months or so) and I'd like to say that I didn't have the time but the truth is that I've been procrastinating. I haven't written about you or about motherhood in so long that it felt like anything I wrote had to be Very Important... and honestly, I just didn't have the energy to pour into such a huge endeavor. Because, you see, I'm pouring my energy into you.

But today I realized that I (already) can't remember when you took your first steps. Hopefully it's just one of those brain malfunctions and tomorrow I'll remember perfectly. I know it was around 12 months. Or was it 11 months? I just can't be sure. And so the fear of what else I may be forgetting has prompted me to write again after all.

I want to write a letter to you. I want to tell you how much you mean to me, how much you've changed my life, how much joy you bring me every. single. second... but I really and truly don't have the words to express the magnitude of it all. So instead, let me talk a little about You At 16 months.

Quite simply, you are a delight. You are bright, inquisitive, into everything. You're challenging, asserting your independence, and you don't understand sometimes why you can't have/do what you want. However, you are remarkably calm and self-controlled for a toddler and you often accept my word for how things need to be. You understand so much. Many times we can communicate with just a glance. You are perceptive, you watch everything (you always have, really.) Honestly, your personality is so huge and so complex that I really can't sum it up in just a few words... so I asked your Grammy what the top notes of her overall impression of you is. Her answer was "calm and intelligent." I agree. However, I'll go deeper than that and say "calm, playful, and perspective." That's just the nutshell, darling.

Right now your favorite books are: Little Blue Truck, The Big Red Barn, Sesame Street Peekaboo, Oh The Thinks You Can Think (you've loved that one since you were 6 months), Corduroy Bear, and Super Car (much to my chagrin you've always loved that one too, while I find it very obnoxious.) We read together every day. We also read a few bedtime books each night. You climb into my lap in the rocking chair, lean back, and listen to your stories.

You watch some Thomas the Train dvds and are quite in love with them. You like the Wiggles. You are no longer obsessed with the Ramona & Beezus movie. You used to be a Ramona fanatic. You asked to watch it all the time, you played along (running and jumping and yelling "DOWN!" at the appropriate parts) and I got so sick of that movie I couldn't take another minute. Luckily you graduated to Thomas right around then.

You are just learning to dance. Mostly it is foot stomping and quasi-tap dancing like you saw Elmo do on tv. I try not to let you watch too much tv. Some days you don't watch any at all. Some days you watch 30 minutes to an hour.

You are still nursing. Mostly before-and-after sleep and a few quick "snacks" during the day. You get so excited about it sometimes you grin and giggle and mutter "numnumnumnum!" while pawing to get at them. Sometimes you latch on and then give me an approving nod, as if to say this is EXACTLY how things should be. It's adorable.

When you want my attention, you don't cry or yell or whine. You very gently place your little hand against my cheek and turn my face until I'm looking at you. Then you point at what you want, or otherwise explain what you want. I'm amazed at how clear and logical and gentle an approach that is! Whining is easy to ignore. Who could ignore someone physically turning their face and forcing them to look at them? How brilliant!

Every sunday we make banana coconut pancakes. You stand on a chair or sit on the counter and mash bananas, stir in flour, etc. You often like to "wash" dishes and play in the sink. You love to help me cook and love to stir things in pots. You also help me unload the dishwasher... though it's a challenge to load it because you keep wanting to take everything back out!

Your favorite toys right now are a big pile of cardboard boxes of various shapes and sizes that I've saved for you. They are the best building blocks and I stack them up and you push them over. You like doing puzzles with your Aunt Leah. You rarely play with your other toys in their intended way - rather, you carry them around, move them different places, stack them, sort them, etc. You've recently begun to use imaginative play now and then. You were carrying a model dinosaur around, cuddled against your chest, repeating "baby" over and over again. You got a bowl and wooden spoon, put puzzle pieces in it, used a large wooden puzzle piece as a "lid", and placed it on a bookshelf to use as a stove. There, you took the lid on and off, stirred, and gave me "tastes" on the wooden spoon. This was all spontaneous on your part. I think you're quite young to be using your imagination so well!

You love to climb everything. Couches, chairs, stools, desks. You make your mama so nervous when I catch you balancing precariously on top of a toy. Sometimes you fall, but not often, but I bite my lip and let you climb anyway because I don't want to be one of those hovering, helicopter mothers.

As I said before, you understand virtually everything. You listen calmly to explanations, even ones I'm not sure you're fully grasping. You are capable of speaking quite a few words but after saying them a few times you generally lose interest. You communicate very well with pointing, a few signs, body language, etc. I suppose you don't "need" to use the words yet.

Words you know are: banana, dog, bird, baby, toast, down, hot, all done (that was one of your first, actually), Leah, Grammy, Mama (though you actually rarely say that one!), and probably many others I'm forgetting at the moment. You know all the animal sounds, car sounds, train sounds, etc. You use sign language for "more" (index finger to palm) and "all done" (clapping) and hot (waving your hands back and forth.)

You used to like baths. Then you hated them. Then you were scared of them after I accidently turned the shower on while you were in the tub. You didn't bathe for three weeks after that! Now you like baths again but it's a mild take-it-or-leave-it type of like. You paddle around and play with some boats and cups and then ask to get out after about 10-15 minutes. Sometimes as little as 5 minutes. You generally hold still while I wash you up, even when I rinse your hair! When I wrap you in a towel, we pause by the mirror and I say "there's my baby monkey!" and you say "ooh ooh ahh ahh!"

We cosleep, always have. You generally sleep quite well. You rarely wake up if I'm laying in bed with you or knitting nearby in the rocking chair. I've recently begun turning on the baby monitor and creeping downstairs. You wake up a bit more with that but we're working on it... and it's still not bad.

There's so much more to say but it's late and I'm tired. This will do for now. I'll write more later. But let me just end this with saying what a miracle you are, my pride and joy. I love you more than you will ever know.

STILL working on the longies!

Joining in the Yarn Along today!

As you can see, I'm still working on the Osprey longies.  It has been slow going because the baby is sleeping so restlessly these days... but they have also been a huge learning experience for me.  I've made a bunch of mistakes, probably because I work on them late at night when I'm tired, and I've learned how to fix so many of them!

I've learned how to rip out rows without dropping stitches, and I've learned how to pick up stitches that I accidentally dropped a row before, and I've learned how to begin a new ball of yarn mid-project, among other things.

I'm very happy with how these are coming out and can't wait to finish!  I only have one leg to go so I know that I'll be finished in a few days.  I didn't do a gauge so they're coming out a little big but I'm hopeful that it won't be too bad and that the baby will still be able to wear them this fall and winter.

I'm reading Buddha in the Attic.  I picked it up spur of the moment the other day and I'm very happy I did.  It's a really quick read (I only have a chapter to go) and its fascinating to think of how hard life must have been for the "picture brides" from Japan a century ago.  It's a little depressing, too.  Still, well worth the read!



Yarn Along

(Belatedly) joining Ginny Jonny (ha!) for the Yarn Along.

I'm still working on my Osprey pants for the baby.  The body went quickly but I've had a couple setbacks with the legs.  They're going nicely now but I'm not a fan of double pointeds, at least not yet.  They're so awkward to hold.

The knitting would be going faster if the baby was sleeping better.  He has been very restless this week so it's kind of 'knit a row, nurse baby, knit a row, nurse baby.'

Still, I'm hopeful that I'll finish them by next week.

I'm currently reading the patchwork chapters of this beautiful copy of The Sewing Encyclopedia that my mother lent me. I'm starting my very first patchwork quilt and I'd like it to be finished by this winter. So far the book has been very helpful... though it's a bit overwhelming. The 'encyclopedia' part is right. It has everything!

How about what I'm watching, too? I don't have cable hooked up yet so I usually pop a DVD in and play it on low to keep me entertained while I knit. The volume has to stay pretty low because the baby is sleeping only a few feet away but it still makes good background noise.

So these days I alternate between watching NCIS Season 3 (I love that show! It's by far the classiest crime drama on television.) and watching Jane Austen movies (Pride & Prejudice and Persuasion.) The weird thing is that I can switch between them in a single night.

My mood changes easily, apparently.



Fluffy Mail

I had several packages waiting for me when I got home from our trip. I really love getting packages in the mail!

The first was three extra workhorse fitteds since I'm planning to transition Deacon into fitteds and wool whenever possible - especially overnight. He's already in size large and I really love the fit. The elastic is so gentle! I'm thinking of destashing my prefolds (he is outgrowing them and its getting difficult to put them on the wigglier he gets) and getting some more workhorses. I can alternate quite happily between those and the Swaddlebees Simplex and then my entire stash will be nice, simple 100% cotton dipes with a good fit on my chunkster.

I also had a package waiting from Quince & Co!

A brown paper package, so of course I had to start singing 'My Favorite Things' from The Sound of Music. Now, I don't know much about yarn, but I'm just in love with the Osprey. Its so cushy and soft and the color 'marsh' is a perfect deep green that will look very handsome on the baby.

I'm a little disappointed in the Lark, however. It sounded like it would be good at showing off the cabling of the Milo vest I'm planning, which is why I bought it, but the texture is only so-so, I think.  My mother says its a good yarn and she knows more about this sort of thing. Also, the color is nothing like what was pictured! The color is 'honey' so one would expect it to he somewhat honey-like, yes? Some sort of orange, tan, or amber? Thats what was pictured. Instead, I got olive green. Straightforward olive green. I don't know about you but I've never seen honey that color! Still, I think the color may make a nice vest in the end. Here's hoping!

My last package wasn't actually mailed. My sister is lucky enough to live a couple blocks from Mountain Rose Herbs so I picked up an order of herbal tea and some herbs to make my own diaper balm (calendula, comfrey, chamomile.) I'm modifying recipes I've seen a couple different places, going mostly off Ginny's recipe for bottom salve on Small Things.

So I packed the herbs in a mason jar and set it in the sun to steep for a couple weeks. I've noticed this is almost the same recipe used in my brother in law's Three Sevens tattoo balm - minus St Johns Wort and Chickweed. So it must be quite versatile. I can't wait to finish it!

I also got a copy of The Amish Kitchen Cookbook from my sister. It has some good simple hearty recipes.  I'm excited to try them out.

Finished Soaker

I finished washing and lanolizing the baby's first wool soaker the other day and I'm in love with them.  He wears them over his GMD workhorse fitted diapers and between the two of them it seems so comfortable and breathable.  The elastic on the workhorses is so gentle.  I'm so pleased with how the soaker came out and I can't wait to knit up some more.  One is not enough to get us through the day every day.

We have been going to the park in the mornings when its cool to let my sister swing (her favorite pastime.)  So I took some pictures of the baby modeling his new soaker.

He seems happy in it, doesn't he?

Yarn Along

Joining Ginny's Yarn Along today.

We were on vacation last week so I didn't work on a project per se, I just knitted a quick I-cord for the baby's wool soaker and also knit up another square for the patchwork blanket I'm (slowly) working on.

A couple days ago, however, I began my new project... a pair of longies out of the new Osprey yarn I just received.  I really like this yarn!  I love the color (marsh) and I love the texture and the fact that it never splits.  This is my first time knitting on circular needles and so far I love them.  They're so much easier and the project is going so quickly!  I hope to get them finished by next week... that is, if I don't get distracted by the pair of bamboo shorties I want to make.  Or the other five things.

I'm still finishing up The Wet Nurse's Tale so today I took a picture of a book I'm not so much reading as glancing at now and then when I walk by.  My mother gave it to me and once in a while a quote from it catches me and makes me think.

Impromptu Vacation

Where to start?

 My father took my younger sister on a camping trip over the weekend, so Deacon and I used the opportunity to visit my sister in Eugene. We enjoyed ourselves so much that we stayed a whole week.  I really liked that city and wish I could still live there.

There was something so comforting about going back to the house where the baby was born. I've always loved my sister's house, even though with two kids and a work-at-home business it can be a little chaotic. But there is something reassuring about it. My sister is so even-keeled, her children are sweet and precocious and so dear to my heart. Plus, the smell of her house always reminds me of my aunt's house when we were children - a smell I can't really put my finger on - a kids soap, fresh air, sunscreen and popsicle type smell. I loved visiting my aunt so it brings back good memories.

Deacon and I slept in my niece's princess bed which worked remarkably well considering how small it was. He woke a bit more through the night than usual but not bad. Every morning when we went downstairs my nephew was already up, bright eyed and bushy tailed, and we got to spend a little time together just the three of us before the rest of the house woke up. Deacon adores his cousins. He loves watching them. I can tell he's learning so much.

I admired my niece's curly bob so much that I asked my brother-in-law to cut mine just like it! All I was doing was keeping my hair in a bun anyway. It turned out so well I think I may make him my official stylist!

By the end of the week both the baby and I were tired so it was good to go home... but even though the peace and quiet and routine of home are nice, it seems a bit lonely after all the life and noise of the other house. And it really makes me want a yard - just a little place to sit and look at something green. My tiny balcony garden doesn't quite cut it.

All in all I'd say the week did me good. I came home with a fresh perspective and a bit more of a plan on how to get this little family where I want it to be.

making paper stars with my niece and nephew

going for a walk

taking the kids to the park

daisies

Deacon's cousins swinging

my new hair, kinda blurry (my niece took the photo)

i jusy love this photo